I Wish... Page 2

  I had a tenuous connection to the internet using my cell phone as a modem. I pulled up a search engine and started searching for information about Desire. I looked for towns, maps, a connection between Desire and the name Georgina, and Desire plus Nettlebottom. An hour passed and I still hadn't found a single clue about this town. It amazed me that a town, no matter how small, had somehow escaped the notice of the entire internet. It figured though. Even when I got some piece of information out of them it was still worthless and brought me no closer to solving the mystery of who I was.

  I settled back and waited for powers beyond my control to sweep me forward whether I liked it or not. I was pretty sure that this was going to be one of those times when I didn't like it one bit.

  ***

  Chapter 2

  We made it to Desire in just under three days. Shep was like a cyborg or something. I'm not sure he got more than seven hours of sleep during the entire trip. Ramona was insistent that we make the best possible time we could. I was positive my body language reading classes must have been a total waste of time and money because it didn't seem like she was hurrying home to care for her sick mother. It seemed like she was actually excited. Maybe she was just excited to see her mother after such a prolonged absence.

  That was one more thing that ate at me. When was the last time she'd been home? I couldn't think of a time when she was gone long enough to have paid even a brief visit to the family I didn't even realize she had.

  I tried pumping Shep for information while keeping him company during the long nights of driving.

  "Have you ever been to Desire?"

  "I'm from there."

  "Wow, really? Is that how you know Ramona then?"

  "Yeah. I started this job as a favor to my mother."

  "You've been with us for as long as I can remember. That's a wicked big favor."

  He was quiet for a while and I thought for a minute that he wasn't going to add anything more to the conversation. Then he said in a low voice I don't think I was meant to hear, "Someone needs to watch out for you, kid."

  I was touched. I didn't know who my father was. It was just one more in a long line of secrets. When I was younger I used to fantasize about Shep being my dad. He was a beast of a man; massively built without an ounce of fat. I supposed he was handsome in his own way, thick black hair curling in crazy directions under the edges of the bandanas he always wore. His skin was an olive color like mine, so different from both my mom and red headed Ramona. The illusion was dispelled as I got older. The interplay between the adults slowly eroded my hope and learning enough about genetics to realize that with his blue eyes he couldn't possibly be my father finally laid that fantasy to rest. My father would have to have brown eyes like my own.

  Ignoring the last comment in case it made him feel awkward to know I had heard it, I said, "Do you know Mother Georgina?"

  "Oh, I've talked to her in passing a few times. I'm not sure what you're going to find when we get there, but I remember her as being an exceptionally strong woman. Very determined. It's something I see in all the women in your family."

  "Except mom."

  "Your mom too. Especially your mom. She fought some pretty epic battles against Ramona in her teenage years. If I didn't know better, I would have sworn being stubborn was her talent."

  What a weird choice of words. He seemed to think so too because he looked a little flustered. I decided to take pity on him and not tease him about it.

  "So what happened? Mom does everything Ramona tells her to do. I can't think of a single time I've ever seen her disagree about anything."

  "Do you realize it's after three in the morning, Thistle? You should really go try to get some shut eye."

  I knew better than to try to argue. It was futile. Like a small mountain, Shep could not be moved.

  I went to my couch by day, bed by night and lay down. The sleeping arrangements in the RV weren't ideal. Although the sides of the camper expanded to provide a significant increase of square footage inside, we didn't sleep in it at night all that often. If Ramona couldn't get her publisher to pay for the costs of a hotel, she happily paid out of her own pocket. On the nights we did spend in the RV, I didn't have much privacy. Shep installed a circular curtain around my sleeping area when I asked a few years earlier. When I was in a morbid mood, I imagined that I was in a hospital awaiting a potentially lifesaving surgery for some mysterious ailment that was so rare and so dire that it hadn't even been named yet.

  That night I wasn't thinking about hospitals or dying. I was thinking about my mother. I was trying to imagine her as a woman with opinions of her own. The idea of her arguing with Ramona was a strangely compelling image. Arguments and opinions implied a woman with passion. That conflicted so much with the woman I knew her to be. What could have possibly caused her to change so completely? The question still haunted me when I finally fell asleep.

  Now we were finally approaching Desire. We were on a road that, while paved and in good repair, was hardly more than a country road. The last town we'd passed was more than twenty miles back. Every so often we'd pass a house set off the road amongst the trees the road bisected and without fail; the houses were big and in great shape. The yards, although big enough to be considered acreage, were all neatly mowed. What we saw driving down that road should have prepared me for what we would find in Desire, but I was still amazed by my first glimpse of the town spread out below me as we crested a hill.

  At seventeen, it's safe to say that I was better traveled than the majority of kids of my age. I'd certainly seen my share of small towns all over the country, but nothing even came close to Desire. The road we traveled widened as it approached the town proper. The houses that lined it became more frequent, but also much bigger. No, that wasn't the word. Grander. The entire town seemed to be comprised of two and three story Victorian style houses. There was a town square laid out in the middle of town with a covered gazebo in the center. I imagined a band playing there while families listened from blankets spread on the grass under the mature trees that dotted the the perimeter of the square.

  I estimated that the square was two city blocks on each side. It was surrounded on all sides by rows of shops. I fully expected that there must be a soda shop somewhere that would serve me a drink to share with my special fella out of a pair of matching striped straws. The entire town looked like a postcard from the 1950s.

  We made our way slowly through the heart of the down town area and the people we passed didn't make any effort to hide their curious stares. In a town this isolated I was pretty sure they'd notice strangers even if they drove through in a modest sedan though. Besides I was at least as curious about them as they were about us. Did any of these people know me when I was a baby? Could any of them tell me who my father was? Maybe one of them was my father. If dozens of movies and books had taught me anything it was that people in small towns love to gossip. If I could get some time away from Ramona and my mother, surely I'd find some answers.

  We pulled into the wide driveway of a house on the far side of town. It was a beautiful white house with gingerbread trim surrounded by lush flower beds. The borders of the yard were marked by thick lilac bushes. Although it seemed awfully late for them to be blooming, the bushes were heavy with blossoms and the smell wafted in through the open windows, carried on the warm fall breeze.

  A door opened and a woman in a flowing A line skirt stepped out onto the wraparound porch. She paused near a white wicker sitting area, hands on her hips. One bare foot was tucked behind the other. Judging by the look of confusion on her face she wasn't expecting to see a hot pink RV parked in her driveway. Ramona opened the door on the side of the vehicle and we dutifully filed out behind her. We were on the far side so the first person she saw was Shep as he jumped easily down from the driver's seat.

  "Shep?"

  "Hello, Marla. How's Georgina?"

  "So Ramona heard."

  Following her as we rounded the back of the camper, I watched
as Ramona drew herself up to her impressive full height. She shook her shoulder length curls back from her face and smiled with her mouth, but not her eyes.

  "Yes, I heard. Oddly enough, I didn't get a single call from my own daughter to let me know that Mother was ill. Why if it weren't for Shep's own mother, I might not have had any idea of what was happening. Possibly not until it was too late to get here."

  Daughter? My aunt? I could definitely see a resemblance between her and Ramona. Marla had the same creamy skin and blue eyes, but like my mother, she had blond hair. There was also a striking similarity in their displeased faces and Marla was wearing hers at the moment.

  "I didn't think you'd care since you haven't been home to visit her in almost fifteen years."

  "Darling, you know this is an altogether different situation. Of course, coming here would be my first priority if something is wrong with Mother." The words sounded right, but something about the inflection of her voice implied that what she meant was very different than what she was saying.

  Marla broke the staring match she was in engaged in with Ramona and finally acknowledged my mother and I. The look she gave mom was lingering and full of emotions so complex I couldn't begin to untangle them all, but I read contempt and anger clearly. Then she turned her attention to me.

  Ramona gave me some nasty looks over the years, but none of them even came close to chilling me the way Marla did staring at me just then. My throat closed up and my heart raced. I was embarrassed by the loathing she didn't even bother to conceal. I didn't know what I could have done to make her dislike me so much, but I assumed that before we left town I must have done something awful to this woman to inspire such strong emotions that lasted for the past fifteen years.

  The door opened again and a tall man stepped out behind the woman. He cupped her upper arms gently, but she seemed to shrink away from his touch. He was handsome, but not in a pretty way. He looked like a man who could swing a hammer when needed, but his hands were smooth enough that I figured he probably never had. His springy chestnut curls were striking against his deeply tanned skin and his dark eyes were surrounded by laugh lines.

  The man nodded at Shep in that baffling way that men have that's really more like pointing their chins at each other. I'm pretty sure I didn't roll my eyes when Shep nodded back, but I wouldn't have been surprised if they started pounding their chests and circling each other.

  Once the man-greetings were finished, the man gave the rest of us his attention. "Ramona. Good to see you home again."

  "Jack. Hello, dear. I hope Marla has been treating you well." Marla glared at her mother. I could have told her that her efforts were wasted, Ramona couldn’t be intimidated, but I didn't think she would have appreciated my input very much.

  His laughter surprised me a little at first. I wasn't used to hearing people laugh so easily. Especially not when Ramona was around. She always seemed to make people tense up even when she wasn't in a foul mood.

  "Marla is the best wife a man can ask for. I'm lucky she'll have me." It seemed to me like maybe he was stretching the truth a bit since I didn't get the impression that she much cared for him.

  He smiled at my mom, but it was distinctly cooler. "Vanna, you look good."

  "You too, Jack." Her voice was toneless. It mortified me sometimes to watch her interact with people. I hope he didn't take it personally.

  "And you must be Jane."

  I was so busy trying to look everywhere but his direction due to my embarrassment of my mother’s inability to fake normalacy, that I didn't even realize he was talking to me. But then Ramona chuckled in a "Isn't it adorable how stupid kids are?" kind of way and I realized that he was staring at me intensely. It was practically like he was trying to drink in every detail about me.

  I did a quick mental inventory of my appearance that day. I was wearing my long hair loose and I knew it was probably a mess by now. I would have run a comb through it, but I totally forgot in my excitement. My outfit wasn't very fashion forward, an adorable pair of maroon sneakers with cream accents, a t shirt screen printed with a panda I drew myself (one of a series of shirts I had printed at my own expense), and a pair of jeans with the knees torn out. I remembered that I had doodled on one of my knees with a marker earlier. Sure enough, although standing with my hands shoved in my back pockets and my leg bent may have made me look like a girl who doesn't care what you think, choosing the leg with the inked unicorn to thrust defiantly definitely crushed any credibility I might have had otherwise.

  By now everyone was looking expectantly at me. Oh yeah, social etiquette probably required some sort of response. I wasn't sure what to say in response to this potential revelation of my birth name. I decided noncommittal grunting would be the safest course of action.

  "Yes, this is Jane. She's grown up a little since you've seen her last." Ramona wrapped her arm around me in what had to be the least affectionate hug to have ever been inflicted on a person and muttered for my ears only, "Grown up very little."

  I knew better than to argue, but I would have loved to know what the appropriate response is supposed to be when some creeper checks you out and calls you by a name you don't recognize.

  Ramona released me from her icebox grip and started across the lawn to the porch. "Where are the girls?"

  "Darcy is in the house and Krista went to a cheerleading workshop for the weekend. She won't be home until tonight." Marla slipped away from Jack's hold and stood in front of the screen door, almost like she was guarding it.

  "I'm going to re-introduce Jane to Mother. Send Darcy up to say hello." Ramona looked like she might actually run Marla over, but Marla yielded at the last moment. Ramona let herself into the house, calling for me over her shoulder.

  Jane. I followed her across the yard with mom trailing silently behind me, but my mind was reeling with all the things I suddenly knew about myself in such a short time. My name was Jane and I was born in a town called Desire. This town. I had a great grandmother and an aunt and uncle. I had cousins.

  I followed Ramona up the stairs to the third story of the house which appeared to be an enormous master suite with a sitting room. All the doors were open and I could see that there appeared to be two walk in closets and a full bathroom. The focal point of the room was the massive four poster bed where an old woman lay. I thought at first she was sleeping, but her eyes opened when we approached. Our entire group surrounded the bed except Shep who had disappeared back into the RV when the rest of us went inside.

  "Ramona?" Her voice was weak, but it didn't crack. "So you made it back?"

  "I did, Mother." She reached out and ran her fingers through the older woman's hair, fingering combing it.

  "I didn't think Marla would call you." There was no accusation in her voice and Marla didn’t appear disturbed by the old woman’s candid statement.

  "She didn't. Tamara Claphan let me know."

  "You made a good choice in aligning yourself with that girl. She's been very helpful to you." The touch of sarcasm confused me.

  "She has, Mother. Without her, I wouldn't have been able to come here to you in your time of need."

  "Oh, for God's sake, stop playing the part of the concerned daughter." Georgina actually slapped Ramona's hands out of her hair. This was getting good.

  "Did you bring the girl back with you?" Georgina's pale watery eyes sought me. I was a little creeped out by the way her lower eyelids drooped loosely away from the bottom half of her eyes.

  "Yes, Mother. This is Jane." There was an unmistakable hint of pride in the way Ramona said that. Not something I was used to hearing in connection with me. Of course, I also wasn't used to hearing myself called anything but Thistle either.

  "Come here, daughter." Daughter? Weird. It was beyond creepy when her skeletal hand reached for me, the skin hanging off the bones in loose fleshy folds. Reluctantly I walked to her side.

  She examined my face for an uncomfortably long period of time before she picked up a fistful of my hair
and actually smelled it. I wasn't generally a rude person, but oh my God, how much is a girl supposed to handle before she finally says, "See you whackadoos later, I'm out of here."?

  Lucky for me, my mom uncharacteristically took the initiative and said, "Jane, why don't you go find your cousin, Darcy? I'm sure she's around here somewhere. We need to have a family meeting. We'll find you when we're done.

  I managed to walk out of the room, but by the time I was halfway down the stairs I was taking them two at a time.

  The second level of the house appeared to be bedrooms so I continued down the stairs until I was back on the main floor. If I didn't find Darcy in the living room, I decided I’d go hang out in the RV. I had several new books waiting for me on my ereader and I didn't mind the idea of settling in for a long afternoon of reading at all.